An Unfair Chapter

Everyone has a story. 

When I meet people, I want to know- what is your story?

It is how I process the world, allll those stories are out there. 

Today I went to the funeral of a person I knew and whose story ended too abruptly.  All I can think is-  it isn’t fair.  A story shouldn’t end in the middle.  

It really isn’t fair.   

Last night, I looked through several of my yearbooks.  I was reminiscing and yet I was looking at the pictures through a new lens, using the eye of a mother, teacher, older person.   How I wish young people could be more understanding and loving with each other.  It was during my 10th-grade year that I was having a very challenging time at home and finding my place in this world.  I was a girl who preferred fantasy over reality and craved acceptance (even if it meant being a mean girl myself).  Out of my entire sophomore year,  I remember two things.  a.  the passing of a classmate b.  World Geography.     

It was during World Geography that I met the most unlikely of chapters- a senior name Gregg.  He was the total opposite of me.  He dressed in darker and more eclectic clothing, and I dressed in pink sweats.  He listened to “alternative music” like Kurt Cobain and Nirvana, while I loved Montell Jordan (This is How We Do It)... I know, I know... CRINGE.    He had a more worldly view of things, and I only cared about what my peers thought of me.  I still have no clue how we became friends that year, maybe it was our common friend Jo., but either way, I was sucked into some big fun.  

I abandoned trying to be a studious student who filled out maps in “groups” for telling good jokes and poking fun at high school life.  The three of us (me and two goofy boys) were pretty much that annoying group that sits in the back corner of class and gets in trouble constantly.  Once we were kicked (literally kicked) out of class for being too disruptive.  I only got kicked out once, I think Gregg got kicked out twice (or more) for trying to cheat off a carefully hidden map of Europe stuffed in his long hoodie. 

high school-  maybe I was starting my first blog?

Although we were silly, goofy, and immature, we were also smart and ahead of our time on many issues.  The three of us knew even then that it wasn’t cool to be mean to gay people (even though that was not the most popular thing to do at the time).  We knew that the world lacked the love and forgiveness it needed, and we would cry at the thought of real people in the world hurt or struggling.   Sometimes talk would turn serious about our struggles at home and at school and about the ways we wish we fit in more.  Sometimes we would all three get into real fights and not speak.  Gregg would say one day my husband would think I was cute when mad… which made me... (sic) more mad (and he was right because Darren says I’m cute when I’m mad, and I get MORE MAD).  At the end of the year, I was devastated that I had lost ANOTHER school book (this one was about 60.00, I was so ADHD).   Gregg and Jo. stole a black marker off the teacher’s desk and together they helped turn my number 11 into a 31.  When we were done, it looked like the hottest mess you ever saw in your LIFE. 😆  The history teacher wasn’t having it.  He got really mad at me about lying and messing up the book. I burst into tears and Gregg jumped to my defense and said it was all his fault (and it was not).  The teacher had mercy on my soul but kept me after school to question why I hung around Gregg/ Jo. who kept me off task (or I kept them off task).  I told him the truth 'they are good guys who make me laugh'.  I guess at that time in my life God knew I needed two friends like this over finding where Sudan was on a map (Ps. I do know where Sudan is on a map).  I remember attending Gregg's graduation that year because I wanted to support him and wish him luck (I don’t know how we passed that class).  I gave him a huge hug and kiss, and I reminded him to stay in touch.  

That closed the chapter on that book and we never really had another long conversation again but I would later be blessed to become friends with his soulmate and wife- Jess.  I don’t remember how Jess and I became friends either.  I think it started on Facebook and we began to share little stories, secrets, and feelings to the point we became really close much later in life. Although Darren grew up beside both of them, it was me who gradually came to know and love the whole family.   

play:  Anne of Green Gables

Last night, I was trying my hardest to dust the cobwebs out from my brain to remember every detail of that class when I was 15 years old.  I was desperate to remember the details, to remember all the moments so that I could share them.  

The thing I remember the most was that class was the only highlight of my day sometimes.   Those ‘weirdo’ boys taught this girl that I was a ‘weirdo’ too… and that was pretty cool.  

So today, a beautiful Fall day, where we should be complaining about silly things 'like too many leaves' and 'seasonal allergies', we instead laid our pal to rest.  My heart broke for the family and I felt at a loss how to help.  

It was a sweet ceremony.   I sat between two old (but not too old 💗) high school friends.  We giggled a bit about life now with toddlers, teens, and bad parenting techniques.  We shared mints and mulled over memories while a Beatles song played.  I loved when Jess' father spoke and he talked how 'Gregg became his own man'.  It occurred to me that all of us 'weirdos' did come into our own and I’m so proud of us.  I’m proud of Jess.  She was so strong and eloquent when sharing the important things.  I hope to be there more for her.    

I’m proud to know them both.  

This is the note I would want to pass in World Geography:

Dear Gregg,  thank you for being such a sweet kid and good person and for reminding me that we are who we are and that is good enough.  
Ps.  Get your big shoes off the back of desk (you are shaking it when I fill in the maps).
Pss.  Thanks for the good read buddy.

Amanda

socks for Gregg
They were too small so I made them into leg warmers for the funeral.  
I think Kurt Cobain would like them too.  :)