Loving: The Unbalanced Chronicles: When Church is Hard

Today I was thinking of the phrase, 'going to church doesn't make a you a Christian anymore than sitting in a garage makes you a car?', always a classic quote. While I totally get it and it is a very true quote, it leaves out the fact that church both attracts the Holy Spirt and offers important value for growth at any level (Acts 2: 46-47)

...but DANG, sometimes it's harddddd [insert whiney voice here].

camp bound with excellent leaders

exploring

As our church historian this year (a job I started putting together this week, SIGH), I've been reviewing our entire year in one box (don't judge me, I started a brand new job this year too).

Now thanks to my lack of planning, I have a real job on my hands (and in addition I think I had zero church attendance in November because I have no record of it). This process has certainly made me very reflective because our church has endured a lot of change.

Connor sang with his friends on Easter morning

Not only were we challenged with many leadership changes, we had family and friends that completely moved in different directions.

In short, it was awful.

I will be completely honest thatmy family felt like throwing in the towel on this whole 'church' thing. For months, I took the spiritual lead and fake cheered my family on with 'God has this', 'There is a reason people are being called to other places', 'Let's just wait and see what God has in store', 'God will work it out', .... but deep inside I was bitter.
How dare people leave me? (never mind God's plan for others, I was focused on me. ME. ME. ME.). I mean really, these are people whose children sat on my lap while I read the bible to them, who I laughed with over something crazy that happened that week, who held my daughter's little fist as she took her first steps over the carpeted nursery, who fished my son out of the toilet and other adventures (long story), who comforted and prayed while I cried, who attended birthdays, showers, and celebrated each milestone... and then they just leave... me.
I think I would have been more comforted with a big yelling match, but instead the changes were gradual yet unexpected, leaving me with little closure.

The Last Supper

Change can be hard for this old gal. I'm not much of a hippie but I was starting to enjoy the idea of going out into a field and singing a few hymns before a Netflix binge on Sunday morning. Why would I endure church by choice when quite frankly I could free up a lot of time and have an additional half day to myself? I think a lot of people think in this way and I can understand it.
What I've learned is that when undergoing a spiritual revival, my comfort is not God's top concern. Despite my emotional feelings, I had to take ME out of the equation (I really hate when I have to do that).
I know that God designed me to be a part of something greater than myself. Whether we are introverted, extroverted, or something in between- we have all been called to join others and help others (Romans 12: 4-5). My faith could not allow me to ignore this call.
This world is just too crazy to ignore God's call.

Backstage in Bethlehem
Love these faces

While I struggled, I was observant. I think what impressed me so much during our time of change is how our elders and our young adults set the example most. They re-banded, reorganized, and very prayerfully took on much needed leadership roles. Committees were formed, our children were never neglected, and our outreach in the community never faltered.
I learned a lot.
God also gently pushed me where He wanted me to go.

making food packs for local schools

our youth leader helping an elderly neighbor with outdoor chores

In this process my family has finally reached a much deeper understanding of our spiritual direction. I like to think we taught our kids:
-to not give up when things get hard
-church is about God, not personal preference
-God calls us to new leadership
-don't use cornstarch for any church activity ever (I just learned that one today, see below)
-Faith is 'taking the first step when you don't see the whole staircase'
-Church community fosters a special love (Colossians 3:13-14).

It's important that we share that our spiritual ups and downs are real and they are challenging. Most of all, I can share that I held on and have never been more excited about what I'm going to learn at church.
This morning our new youth leader joined me in a series of 'lab experiments' to celebrate our upcoming VBS followed by a Sunday school lesson about accountability with our new preacher and his wife. It was very informative (You gotta love King David, that rascal.)